Cinsel Sa\u011fl\u0131k Enstit\u00fcs\u00fc Derne\u011fi (C\u0130SED) Genel Ba\u015fkan\u0131 Psikoterapist Dr. Cem Ke\u00e7e, toplumumuzda aldatman\u0131n h\u0131zla kanayan bir yara haline geldi\u011fini belirterek, yap\u0131lan ara\u015ft\u0131rmalar\u0131n aldatma oranlar\u0131n\u0131n her ge\u00e7en y\u0131l artt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, erkeklerin ya\u015flar\u0131 ilerledik\u00e7e kad\u0131nlar\u0131n ise gen\u00e7 ya\u015flarda aldatma e\u011filimi g\u00f6sterdi\u011fini a\u00e7\u0131klad\u0131.<\/p>\n
C\u0130SED\u2019in hem internet \u00fczerinden hem de y\u00fcz y\u00fcze yap\u0131lan anket \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmas\u0131n\u0131n verilerine g\u00f6re T\u00fcrkiye\u2019de erkeklerin yakla\u015f\u0131k y\u00fczde 58\u2019i, kad\u0131nlar\u0131n ise yakla\u015f\u0131k y\u00fczde 40\u2019\u0131 evlilikleri s\u00fcresince en az bir kere olmak \u00fczere evlilik d\u0131\u015f\u0131 ili\u015fki ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 bildirildi. \u0130statistikler, cinsiyetlere g\u00f6re aldatma oranlar\u0131n\u0131n her ge\u00e7en y\u0131l art\u0131\u015f g\u00f6sterdi\u011fini ve erkeklerin ya\u015flar\u0131 ilerledik\u00e7e kad\u0131nlar\u0131n ise gen\u00e7 ya\u015flarda aldatma e\u011filimi g\u00f6sterdi\u011fini ortaya koyuyor.<\/p>\n
C\u0130SED Genel Ba\u015fkan\u0131 Psikoterapist Dr. Cem Ke\u00e7e aldatma rakamlar\u0131n\u0131n asl\u0131nda daha y\u00fcksek oldu\u011funu, fakat ara\u015ft\u0131rma sonu\u00e7lar\u0131na yans\u0131mad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 belirterek \u015f\u00f6yle s\u00f6yledi:<\/p>\n
\u201cNe yaz\u0131k ki toplumumuzda aldatma h\u0131zla kanayan bir yara haline geldi. Sadakatsizli\u011fin ve aldatman\u0131n ba\u011fl\u0131l\u0131k hissetmemek, yalan s\u00f6ylemek, k\u0131yaslama yapmak, s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc tutmamak, s\u0131rlar\u0131 if\u015fa etmek ve s\u0131r saklamak, bencillik, adaletsizlik, sayg\u0131s\u0131zl\u0131k, so\u011fukluk, g\u00fcvensizlik ve bir ba\u015fkas\u0131na daha \u00e7ok g\u00fcvenmek, evlili\u011fe, yeni do\u011facak \u00e7ocu\u011fa, yak\u0131n bir ili\u015fkiye vb. haz\u0131r olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6ylemek gibi \u2018bilinmeyen\u2019 t\u00fcrleri, \u2018bilinen\u2019 t\u00fcrlerine yani cinsel, duygusal, sanal sadakatsizliklere ve aldatmalara zemin haz\u0131rlar. Ayr\u0131ca erkeklerin bir k\u0131sm\u0131 evlilik d\u0131\u015f\u0131 bir partnerle sadece bir kere ya\u015fan\u0131lan cinsel ili\u015fkiyi aldatma olarak g\u00f6rm\u00fcyor. Kad\u0131nlar\u0131n bir k\u0131sm\u0131 ise cinsellik olmayan bir evlilik d\u0131\u015f\u0131 ili\u015fkiyi aldatma olarak kabul etmek istemiyor. Toplumumuzda erkeklerin genelinde aldatma, evlilik ile e\u015fzamanl\u0131 s\u00fcrd\u00fcr\u00fclen bir ba\u015fka ili\u015fki olarak alg\u0131lan\u0131yor. Sadakatsizli\u011fi cinsellik \u00f6ncesi evrede b\u0131rakma e\u011filiminde olan kad\u0131nlar ise gizli bir yeme\u011fi, duygusal yaz\u0131\u015fmalar\u0131, sar\u0131lmalar\u0131 aldatma olarak adland\u0131rmayarak vicdan\u0131n\u0131 rahatlatmak istiyor.\u201d<\/p>\n
Toplumun aldatma tan\u0131m\u0131n\u0131 kendi menfaatleri do\u011frultusunda \u00e7arp\u0131tt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 vurgulayan Ke\u00e7e, sadakatsizli\u011fi \u015f\u00f6yle tan\u0131mlad\u0131:<\/p>\n
\u201cSadakatsizlik; mevcut e\u015fin veya partnerin bilgisi veya izni veya r\u0131zas\u0131 olmadan \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc bir ki\u015fi veya ki\u015filerle bir veya birden fazla ya\u015fanan duygusal ve\/veya cinsel ili\u015fkidir, yak\u0131nla\u015fmad\u0131r, en \u00f6zel ve en de\u011ferli olmas\u0131 gereken ve hayat\u0131n merkezine al\u0131nmas\u0131 gereken partnere bu de\u011ferin verilmemesidir.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ke\u00e7e ayr\u0131ca, toplumun baz\u0131 bahanelere s\u0131\u011f\u0131narak sadakatsizli\u011fi kabul edilebilir g\u00f6stermeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n alt\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7izerek, \u201cHer sadakatsizlik birbirinin ayn\u0131 olmasa da hi\u00e7bir bahane sadakatsizli\u011fi kabul edilebilir k\u0131lmaz; fakat arkas\u0131ndaki motivasyona g\u00f6re baz\u0131lar\u0131 affedilebiliyor\u201d dedi.<\/p>\n
Aldatma ve sadakatsizlik ayn\u0131 \u015fey de\u011fil<\/p>\n
Kad\u0131n-erkek ili\u015fkilerinde \u201caldatma ve sadakatsizli\u011fin\u201d ayn\u0131 \u015fey olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ifade eden Ke\u00e7e, \u201cYarg\u0131s\u0131z bir \u2018karar\u2019 ve bir \u2018se\u00e7im\u2019 olan sadakatsizlik, duygusal, bili\u015fsel, fiziksel, sosyal ya da tinsel a\u00e7\u0131lardan e\u015fi kand\u0131rmaya y\u00f6nelik eylemlerin \u2018gizlice\u2019 ve \u2018e\u015fin bilgisi d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda\u2019 s\u00fcrd\u00fcr\u00fclmesidir, yani partnerin bilmedi\u011fi s\u0131rlar\u0131n varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ifade eder. Sadakatsizli\u011fin bir sonucu olan ve yalan r\u00fczgar\u0131 olarak bilinen aldatma ise, sadakatsizlik karar\u0131 ve se\u00e7imi sonucu ka\u00e7\u0131n\u0131lmaz olarak ortaya \u00e7\u0131kan d\u00fcr\u00fcstl\u00fck d\u0131\u015f\u0131 eylemlerdir, s\u00f6ylemlerdir ve e\u015fler aras\u0131ndaki ili\u015fkiyi ve evlili\u011fi tehdit edebilecek nitelikteki \u2018s\u0131rlar\u0131n partner taraf\u0131ndan \u00f6\u011frenilmesi durumunu\u2019 ifade eder. Yani partnerinize yakalanmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z s\u00fcrece \u2018sadakatsiz\u2019 olursunuz, yakaland\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131zda \u2018aldatm\u0131\u015f\u2019 olursunuz. Sadakatsizlik \u2018ki\u015fisel\u2019 ve gayriahlaki bir tutum, bir niyet, aldatma ise \u2018ili\u015fkisel\u2019 ve y\u0131k\u0131c\u0131 bir sorun, bir sonu\u00e7, bir eylemler b\u00fct\u00fcn\u00fcd\u00fcr.\u201d dedi.<\/p>\n
Aldatan aldan\u0131r<\/p>\n
Sadakatsizli\u011fin ve aldatman\u0131n alt\u0131nda yatan nedenler ve bu iki durumun psikolojisinin olduk\u00e7a karma\u015f\u0131k oldu\u011funu s\u00f6yleyen Ke\u00e7e, \u201cS\u00f6z konusu sadakatsizlik ve aldatma oldu\u011funda, herkesin farkl\u0131 nedenleri ve farkl\u0131 duygular\u0131 vard\u0131r. Ancak \u015funun alt\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7izmek gerekir, sadakatsizlik ve aldatman\u0131n bir\u00e7ok kabul edilemez nedeni olsa bile ger\u00e7ek neden karakter zay\u0131fl\u0131\u011f\u0131d\u0131r. Dolay\u0131s\u0131yla sadakatsizlik ve aldatma psikolojisi de sadakatsizlik yapan veya aldatan ki\u015fiye g\u00f6re farkl\u0131l\u0131klar g\u00f6sterir. Ancak, sadakatsizlik ve aldatma psikolojisini genel olarak ele alan ara\u015ft\u0131rmalar\u0131n sonu\u00e7lar\u0131, sadakatsizli\u011fin ve aldatman\u0131n benlik kavram\u0131nda olu\u015fturdu\u011fu tutars\u0131zl\u0131k y\u00fcz\u00fcnden duygusal olarak rahats\u0131zl\u0131k veren bir durum olmas\u0131 nedeniyle sadakatsizlik yapan ve aldatan ki\u015finin kendini bu psikolojiden kurtaracak bili\u015fsel hilelere ba\u015fvurdu\u011funu ve \u2018Aldatan aldan\u0131r!\u2019 s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc hakl\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ortaya koyar niteliktedir. Bir genelleme olarak \u2018erkeksen aldatma, kad\u0131nsan aldanma\u2019 diyoruz\u201d dedi.<\/p>\n
Evliliklerin yakla\u015f\u0131k y\u00fczde 50\u2019si iflas ediyor<\/p>\n
Sadakatsizlik ve aldatma y\u00fcz\u00fcnden \u00fclkemizde bo\u015fanma oranlar\u0131n\u0131n artt\u0131\u011f\u0131na dikkat \u00e7eken Ke\u00e7e, \u201cC\u0130SED olarak sadakatsizlik yapan 100 ki\u015fiye sorduk: \u2018Yakaland\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 hi\u00e7 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcn\u00fcz m\u00fc?\u2019 ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z yan\u0131t: \u2018Hay\u0131r!\u2019; \u2018Partnerinizin sizi sadakatsizlik yapabilece\u011fini hi\u00e7 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcn\u00fcz m\u00fc?\u2019 ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z yan\u0131t: \u2018Hay\u0131r!\u2019; Aldat\u0131p yakalanan 100 ki\u015fiye sorduk: \u2018T\u00fcm bu ya\u015fad\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131za de\u011fer miydi?\u2019 ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z yan\u0131t: \u2018De\u011fmezdi!;\u2019 \u2018B\u00f6yle olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilseydiniz aldat\u0131r m\u0131yd\u0131n\u0131z?\u2019 ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z yan\u0131t: \u2018Hay\u0131r aldatmazd\u0131m!\u2019. Buna ra\u011fmen Avrupa\u2019da yap\u0131lan evliliklerin yakla\u015f\u0131k y\u00fczde 50\u2019si iflas ediyor veya bat\u0131yor, her ge\u00e7en g\u00fcn bo\u015fanma oranlar\u0131 da art\u0131yor. Buna ra\u011fmen insanlar\u0131n y\u00fczde 90\u2019\u0131 hala evlenmek istiyor, evlilik kurumuna yat\u0131r\u0131m yap\u0131yor, her \u015feyi kontrol edebilecekleri ve evlilik \u00f6ncesi \u00f6d\u00fcllerinin artarak devam edece\u011fi yan\u0131lsamas\u0131na kap\u0131l\u0131yor ve bo\u015fanmayan y\u00fczde 50 i\u00e7inde olmay\u0131 hayal ediyor\u201d dedi.<\/p>\n
Aldatma tedavi edilebilir mi<\/p>\n
Psikoterapist Dr. Cem Ke\u00e7e, Amerikal\u0131 Profes\u00f6r Dr. Gerald Weeks ile birlikte yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131 ve kendi alan\u0131nda sat\u0131\u015f rekorlar\u0131 k\u0131ran \u201cSadakatsizlik ve Aldatma\u201d kitab\u0131ndaki \u00f6nerilerle bir\u00e7ok \u00e7iftin aldatmay\u0131 ve a\u00e7t\u0131\u011f\u0131 derin yaralar\u0131 kendi kendine \u00e7\u00f6zebilece\u011fini ifade ederek, bir ili\u015fkide \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc bir ki\u015finin varl\u0131\u011f\u0131yla ya\u015fanan, \u00e7o\u011fu zaman \u201ca\u015fk \u00fc\u00e7geni\u201d olarak adland\u0131r\u0131lan aldatman\u0131n, yayg\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131 ve aile kurumuna etkileri a\u00e7\u0131s\u0131ndan toplumsal bir sorun oldu\u011funun alt\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7izerek, \u201cAldatma tedavi edilebilir mi?\u201d sorusuna , \u201cPek \u00e7ok \u00e7ift aldatmay\u0131 ili\u015fkinin sonu ya da sonunun ba\u015flang\u0131c\u0131 olarak g\u00f6r\u00fcr. Ancak di\u011fer tarafta da uzun y\u0131llard\u0131r yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z evlilik ve \u00e7ift terapisi \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmalar\u0131n\u0131n ortaya koydu\u011fu \u015f\u00f6yle bir ger\u00e7ek vard\u0131r ki, aldatma nedeniyle terapiye gelen \u00e7iftlerin tamam\u0131na yak\u0131n\u0131 ili\u015fkilerine devam etmek istediklerinden aldatman\u0131n tedavisi i\u00e7in ba\u015fvurmu\u015flard\u0131r. \u0130li\u015fkilerinin girdi\u011fi \u00e7\u0131kmaz sokaktan \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015f yolunu bulmak i\u00e7in yard\u0131m isteyen bu \u00e7iftler i\u00e7in aldatma sonun ba\u015flang\u0131c\u0131 de\u011fil, yeni bir ba\u015flang\u0131c\u0131n ba\u015flang\u0131c\u0131 olmaktad\u0131r\u201d cevab\u0131n\u0131 verdi.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
C\u0130NSEL SA\u011eLIK ENST\u0130T\u00dcS\u00dc DERNE\u011e\u0130 (C\u0130SED) GENEL BA\u015eKANI PS\u0130KOTERAP\u0130ST DR. CEM KE\u00c7E, TOPLUMUMUZDA ALDATMANIN HIZLA KANAYAN B\u0130R YARA HAL\u0130NE GELD\u0130\u011e\u0130N\u0130 BEL\u0130RTEREK, YAPILAN ARA\u015eTIRMALARIN ALDATMA ORANLARININ HER GE\u00c7EN YIL ARTTI\u011eINI, ERKEKLER\u0130N YA\u015eLARI \u0130LERLED\u0130K\u00c7E KADINLARIN \u0130SE GEN\u00c7 YA\u015eLARDA ALDATMA E\u011e\u0130L\u0130M\u0130 G\u00d6STERD\u0130\u011e\u0130N\u0130 A\u00c7IKLADI.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":183407,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[12098,45330,5349,216,125,2438,45329,279,869,14586,45331,33978,18830],"class_list":["post-183406","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-genel","tag-toplumsal","tag-aldatma","tag-artan","tag-baskani","tag-bir","tag-cem","tag-cised","tag-dr","tag-genel","tag-hizla","tag-kanayan","tag-kece","tag-yara"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.tvturk.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/cised-genel-baskani-dr-cem-kece-aldatma-hizla-artan-ve-kanayan-toplumsal-bir-yara_d761491.jpg?fit=1000%2C566","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paKIfm-LIa","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.tvturk.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/183406","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.tvturk.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.tvturk.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.tvturk.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.tvturk.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=183406"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.tvturk.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/183406\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.tvturk.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/183407"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.tvturk.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=183406"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.tvturk.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=183406"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.tvturk.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=183406"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}